Written by Kit R., Portola Valley Library
San Mateo County Libraries takes pride in our ability to meet all people with the dignity and respect they deserve. This includes patrons and staff members with disabilities, both visible and invisible. During Disability Pride Month and beyond, we reflect on how each of us can help create library spaces where people with disabilities feel seen, valued and included.
Meaningful connection begins with meeting people where they are. There may be times when you are not sure how to interact with someone with a disability you don't share. Curiosity and questions are more than okay, when offered with respect and in the right context. Offering help without assuming it is needed, respecting personal boundaries and taking the time to listen can go a long way toward creating an environment where everyone feels a sense of belonging. In fact, San Mateo County Libraries' mission is to "build meaningful connections and inspire lifelong curiosity" and "create responsive services and spaces where everyone belongs."
Sometimes, even well-intentioned words or actions can have an unintended impact. These everyday moments, known as ableist microaggressions, can reinforce assumptions about disability and make someone feel overlooked, underestimated or excluded. Understanding them gives us an opportunity to communicate with greater awareness and build stronger connections with one another.
In this blog post, we'll go over some common ableist microaggressions and how to avoid them both inside and outside the library. As you read on, keep in mind that there is no single experience of disability. Every person has their own preferences, experiences and ways of moving through the world. This isn't an exhaustive guide, but an invitation to pause, be curious, listen and consider how small changes in how we interact can help make our libraries and our communities places where everyone belongs.
We invite you to contribute to the conversation by sharing further questions and insights in the comment section below!
What Is An Ableist Microaggression?
A microaggression is a common expression or action that insults or dehumanizes a member of a marginalized group, even if you do not intend harm. Microaggressions demonstrate bias and can make the receiver feel as though they are not respected or don't belong, especially as they experience more and more of them over the course of a day, year or lifetime.
An ableist microaggression is one that demonstrates bias against a person with a physical or developmental disability, including disabilities you might not see.
Connections Instead of Microaggressions
Celebrate My Achievements, Not My Day-to-Day
Sometimes, people see a person with disability living their daily life and say things like, "You're so brave." However, when we're completing tasks at our jobs or driving our cars, hearing over-sized compliments can feel demeaning. We're not amazing just because we exist, so please save the compliments for when we really show off our skills.
Trust Us to Ask When We Need Help
We navigate the world with our disabilities every day, and they don't make us incapable of getting where we need to go and doing what we need to do.
If you see someone with a disability who seems to be struggling with something, it's okay to offer your assistance. However, please don't just jump in, and especially don't grab us or any of our assistive equipment, like a cane or wheelchair.
If a person with a disability says they don't need help, trust them. In all things, no means no. If they say yes, listen to them describe the help they need, and don't be afraid to ask for clarification.
Questions Are Great! Until They're Not
It's natural to be curious about other people, and of course we all ask questions to learn more about one another and our unique experiences. However, there are some topics that are just too personal, and some settings that aren't suited to personal discussions.
Before asking something of a person with a disability, pause to consider whether you would be comfortable answering the same question, particularly in a public place like the library. Also, can you be curious about the person you're talking to, not just their disability?
If you're hoping to learn more about disability pride and the rich, varied lives of people with different disabilities, why not read one of our Teen Picks or Adult Picks for Disability Pride Month 2026?
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